w r i thing s u n

raknid42 @ 2007-04-10T04:55:00

2007-04-10T09:35:18Z

My girlfriend (the main person I'm seeing--I don't know what else to call her, and the other people I'm seeing don't really count right now) suddenly started expressing Emotion and I suddenly have no idea what to do. Things were great--we had a very physical, very alcoholic relationship that was working and now suddenly I'm sieged by... feelings, wishes that I could make her feel whole and right again, all kinds of terrible things I never wanted to feel. I don't get it at all. There are days when I feel like the luckiest guy on earth. There are other days when I want someone to shoot me in the face.

Also, LASIK rocks. Go and get it. =)

raknid42 @ 2007-03-30T00:30:00

2007-03-30T04:50:39Z

I don't know why, but I want to let everyone who reads this know that I miss them. (Unless I've never met you. I guess I can't miss you if we've never met.)

Come to think of it, I do know why. I'm getting closer to someone I actually think about and miss every day. Almost every hour of every day, at least when I'm awake. As a result, I'm much more social and kindly disposed. Plus it's spring, so I'm wallowing in bunny sex endorphins.

As a weird corollary to this, I've lost my glasses. Everything looks airbrushed and beautiful. Without the acute feeling of points and hard edges intruding on my vision, my analytical glare just melts away. Cute girls smile at me when I'm not glaring at them. :P

(I'm reluctant to get replacements, as a result. I'm actually happier and a lot easier to get along with when things look airbrushed and soft. This reinforces my idea that my vision problems are psychosomatic. I know I can improve my vision with NLP-style reframing because I've been trying it and succeeding for short periods of time. I'm at a loss as to how the secondary benefits of my myopia should be dealt with, though.)

raknid42 @ 2007-03-26T02:46:00

2007-03-26T09:06:20Z

Dream--we're at the ocean, my entire childhood family, and we're playing catch with gigantic colored orbs that keep appearing whenever we want one to throw. My mom is past the shore, reaching down to the ocean floor to pick up lobsters and other sea creatures for us to eat. I'm having tons of fun summoning orbs, which I do by thinking of a color, fixing it in my mind--"I want a BLUE one!"--and then giving it a rolling chant that grows as I feel it coming--go, go, go, go, GO! Then it appears and I give it a tremendous throw at one of my sisters, who catches it laughing. Then we're back at our home of the dream, and I'm so hungry that I can barely contain my excitement. My mother is cooking the lobsters she caught, and they're enormous! She's cooking giant crabs, some of them huge and with long stick arms and others with meaty claws that wave, and she has some enormous frogs in pools of water coming to a boil. When she's done, we sit down to eat, and the lobster is fantastic! Every bite is as delicious as the one before, and there's so much! And then, as I'm admiring the sheer size and variety of all that my mother has caught for us to eat, I start to wake up.

[Greek note: "catches it laughing" would be rendered as "laughing(imperfect ppt.) catches(aorist)" and the balls seem perfectly representative of the Greek word for "throw", βάλλω]

I had an amazing weekend. My new girl from last week is a prize. We spent the last two days together, barely sleeping and only going out for a few hours at night. She's so perfect for me, it's remarkable. And then this dream, which could not be other than a reflection on it, and a way for things to be. Aphrodite's work complete, it seems Poseidon is the man of the hour.

raknid42 @ 2007-03-18T21:45:00

2007-03-19T07:24:42Z

Finding weekend work is a lot more difficult than I imagined. I wish I could get another mortgage job, because they pay well and I have experience, but nobody seems to hire for weekends or off-hours.

I had a good weekend. On Friday I went with a bunch of people to a 1-hour open bar and then we wandered around SoHo looking for interesting places. On Saturday I went to Contempt and met a really attractive, interesting girl. Hopefully I'll be seeing a lot of her.

I also spoke to one of the people responsible for putting the event together, which is always rewarding. I'd like to be behind the scenes at subculture events myself, so learning more about them is useful and interesting. I really wish NYC had more, even for subcultures I'm not personally interested in. My suspicion is that there's more demand than there is supply, and that maybe a bit of inventiveness could easily turn small crowds into big ones and amplify the energy of the event at the same time.

raknid42 @ 2007-03-12T02:52:00

2007-03-12T07:20:29Z

It's been a long time since I stayed up all night studying for a test. My Greek professor has been telling us all year not to bother with the Greek into English translation exercises in the textbook, and I think I've been having a harder time because of it. Now I'm doing them, and the whole language seems much more clear.

In other news, I need to refresh my C++ knowledge and I want to do it by writing a program to generate random well-formed sentences in Greek. The problem is, I can't figure out how to keep the program simple (as in, within my ability) and use Unicode to display the Greek alphabet. Other people have tried the same thing and some of them must have succeeded, but none of the help pages I've looked at have been helpful.

raknid42 @ 2007-02-19T07:03:00

2007-02-19T14:21:37Z

I haven't updated in ages. I forgot about livejournal almost entirely.

I've been really unsocial lately, so I decided to go out to a club for some loud industrial music on Saturday. I felt like I was being brought back to life, so I might need to do that more often.

School is going really well. I'm finally starting to pick up Ancient Greek at a reasonable pace, after dragging through my first semester because I couldn't remember things.

I switched my major to computer science for a few reasons, mostly because experience with computational modeling will serve my interests better than anything else. I plan to take a hard look at bioinformatics when I'm closer to having a degree.

It's really sad that Robert Anton Wilson died. Like others, I sent the poor guy money when I found out he was struggling to pay rent, which ultimately made his death seem more personal somehow. I started reading Cosmic Trigger when I heard, so that I was reading it on the subway during Improv Everywhere's annual no pants subway ride. (That's me reading it in the first picture on the page, on the right) There's a coincidence buried in there somewhere.

raknid42 @ 2006-07-10T23:30:00

2006-07-11T03:45:58Z

My divorced parents took me through the route we used to take to the park when I was 3-4. The actual terrain was completely bizarre. We walked next to a swamp with a tree whose roots were enormous and above-ground, stretching completely across the swamp as a natural bridge. The roots were 6-7 feet in diameter. As I walked on them, reaching different parts seemed to "trigger" events. Suddenly bubbles would appear next to me and a fish would poke out of the water and say something odd before diving back under. Once or twice, little pictures of Bugs Bunny suddenly appeared in the sky in front of me and sort of jingled. We got to some kind of cabin where the same thing kept happening. I'd walk next to a basket and after a pause, a bunch of apples would pour out. I'd walk next to a piano and a little tune would play. I walked next to a little room that branched from the main one and a door pushed me further in, then a bunch of things happened at once. Bugs Bunny appeared again with that same jingling sound, another piano started to play, things dumped from barrels and baskets, papers in folders swayed back and forth, and I think the window opened and closed a few times. It was all really strange. It wasn't like there was a poltergeist, it was like a bunch of invisible children were just showing me what the things could do. Except for Bugs Bunny - I don't know what was up with that. Or the fish. If you've ever played one of those "shooting games" like they have at the Mall of America, where you "shoot" targets and then something happens (shoot the target next to the beaver and the beaver moves, shoot the target next to the clock and a bird pops out, shoot the guy at the piano and he starts to play it, etc) the whole feeling was a lot like that. Everything had a mechanical pause before kicking into action.

raknid42 @ 2006-07-10T10:55:00

2006-07-10T15:17:38Z

Go see A Scanner Darkly! It's maybe the most thought-provoking movie I've ever seen. It reminded me a little of 1984. It's based on the Philip K. Dick novel of the same name. There's something uncanny about the whole story, it's sort of chilling and electrifying at the same time. Also incredibly funny, in a way.

My favorite part (taken from the book, but faithfully translated in the film):
"--this guy," Luckman was saying, manicuring a box full of grass, hunched over it as Arctor sat across from him, more or less watching, "appeared on TV claiming to be a world-famous impostor. He had posed at one time or another, he told the interviewer, as a great surgeon at Johns Hopkins Medical College, a theoretical submolecular high-velocity particle-research physicist on a federal grant at Harvard, as a Finnish novelist who'd won the Nobel Prize in literature, as a deposed president of Argentina married to--"
"And he got away with all that?" Arctor asked. "He never got caught?"
"The guy never posed as any of those. He never posed as anything but a world-famous impostor. That came out later in the L.A. Times--they checked up. The guy pushed a broom at Disneyland, or had until he read this autobiography about this world-famous impostor--there really was one--and he said, 'Hell, I can pose as all those exotic dudes and get away with it like he did,' and then he decided, 'Hell, why do that; I'll just pose as another impostor.' He made a lot of bread that way, the Times said. Almost as much as the real world-famous impostor. And he said it was a lot easier."

(I didn't think that story got quite enough emphasis in the film. It leads into sort of a central concept. I think he says "money" instead of "bread" in the film.)

raknid42 @ 2006-07-01T23:03:00

2006-07-02T03:46:40Z

7/1/06 - Mission objective "survive 1 year in New York City" has been completed. Formulation of successive objectives is underway.

raknid42 @ 2006-06-28T03:07:00

2006-06-28T07:42:09Z

Yarr, so I'm goin' back to college.

Hunter College accepted me (so says the admissions hotline - they haven't sent anything yet)

I'm going for anthropology, but I'll really be studying cybernetics, which is completely fascinating. I want to figure out what cultures and subcultures and little backwaters of civilization are actually doing in the bigger picture. Plus I want to figure out what it means for cultures to change.

This'll naturally branch out in to studying cults, religions, sex, drugs, pirate enclaves, The Free State of Fiume, and other strange wonders. And burgeoning tribal structures in the modern US. I'll promote the idea that tribes are a Good Thing(tm) (unless I honestly can't find any support) and figure out how they work best.

I've never been to a Real college before - the type that awards degrees and such. Their anthro department has a genetics lab! Gods! I can take genetics courses! I'm so happy I could choke!

raknid42 @ 2006-06-18T23:16:00

2006-06-19T04:19:13Z

NIN was a decent show. Reznor's energy seems forced - I'm not sure he hates himself anymore.

I walked ~11 miles yesterday due to a major issue with Google Maps. Jones Beach Theatre is *not* at 1542 Wantagh Ave in Wantagh, NY. It's actually in JONES BEACH (hence the name) roughly 8 miles south. I power-walked it in less than 2 hours (my legs are still sore) and missed Peaches and the beginning of Bauhaus.

Also, I've realized that a *good concert* for any high-energy group requires a mosh pit. I really need to be brutally assaulted by a sweating mob of thrashing people who're far more into the music than I am to be properly immersed in the show.

Maybe I'd do better in college if lectures had a mosh pit. Maybe quantum mechanics needs a thrash metal treatment.

raknid42 @ 2006-06-16T17:25:00

2006-06-16T21:53:59Z

Diet prior to last excursion into MN:
Included: fresh/dried fruits & vegetables, unprocessed meats, spices, honey, tree nuts, tea, milk, eggs, cheese
Excluded: grains, potatoes, refined sugars, chemicals, additives, flavor enhancers, preservatives, etc.
Sleep pattern: came naturally, lasted 6 hours, woke up feeling refreshed and awake

During/after last excursion into MN:
Included: everything. examples include Monster energy drinks, french fries, deep fried cheese curds (a strictly Midwestern phenomenon?), hot dogs (ech, wonderful definitely-not-meat aftertaste), the best damned pie on Earth (AFAIK), canned fruit, marshmallows, others
Sleep pattern: followed exhaustion, involved waking every few hours, ended after 12 hours feeling "too tired to continue sleeping", woke up feeling groggy and inertly homicidal

Conclusion: the primitive diet Works and Is good

raknid42 @ 2006-06-12T23:37:00

2006-06-13T04:46:22Z

WtT was excellent. Lots to think on & examine. I wish mushrooms got big enough to live in.

4QF has a labyrinth! Doublepluscool.

I chipped a tooth battling a ferocious monster - I managed to escape with only a vicious ring of purple sucking-marks, but I took a nasty blow to the head and woke up with a terrible headache. Beauty can be dangerous.

raknid42 @ 2006-06-04T03:26:00

2006-06-04T07:33:43Z

Oof. This was an insane week. Saw tons of MN friends and missed out on a lot more. Note to self: next time just pre-organize group events and invite everyone to everything. Publish the invitation list and update it in real-time so if Person X wants to avoid Person Y, they can do that.

(this post inspired by "hey, Nick didn't even call me" second-hand messages and "wtf? you said we were gonna do something" notes. Deserved, but unpleasant.)

raknid42 @ 2006-05-24T12:45:00

2006-05-24T16:47:47Z

I scavenged my apartment for coins to fund my camping trip this weekend. It filled a lunchbox. Thinking I had $60 or $70, I was pretty happy. It came out to $232.43

raknid42 @ 2006-05-22T23:04:00

2006-05-23T03:21:46Z

To all of you sashimi-eaters out there:

I have a friend who has agreed that he needs to try raw fish. To overcome his sense of revulsion, he has decided to accompany the experience with quantities of sake. To this end, I'm devising a Sushi Drinking Game using elements found in a sushi-serving environment. Suggestions, anyone?

raknid42 @ 2006-05-14T03:02:00

2006-05-14T07:17:19Z

According to this YouTube now allows direct video upload from cell phones. This exactly solves a problem. Police who break down raves and other gatherings, sometimes quite brutally, at times confiscate video equipment. Victims of abuses are thus unable to present recorded evidence of wrongdoing. This YouTube upload thing can solve that by allowing people to upload immediately. Other applications are obvious. Imagine an invasion/occupation where the residents had access to this technology.

raknid42 @ 2006-05-10T21:19:00

2006-05-11T02:41:04Z

¤ Applying to colleges this week. I want to study subcultures. Specifically to find out what distinguishes a healthy and sustainable one from a struggling and self-destructive one. Or are those categorizations even valid? Can we engineer something to fill a specific cultural niche? My thinking is that culture is the #1 safeguard against thoughtless exploitation and that we're seeing symptoms of a lack of cultural resources these days.

raknid42 @ 2006-04-26T03:15:00

2006-04-26T07:24:40Z

I think I'm living someone's dream. I have no job to get up for every morning, I'm supporting myself with savings, and I have no active obligations of any sort. It's kind of wonderful.

raknid42 @ 2006-04-24T20:28:00

2006-04-25T00:38:10Z

Find your own pose!

I give this test points for uniqueness, unrelatedness of questions to the subject, and displaying a position I've fallen into before.

***

Has anyone out there heard of Marko Rodin? Has anyone formed an opinion? Tell me, so I can twist your opinion into a pretzel that will accurately reflect my opinion.

raknid42 @ 2006-04-16T10:01:00

2006-04-16T14:25:14Z

My winter hibernation is over. How is everyone?

I spent all day yesterday in Union Square, next to the farmer's market. It was nearly 80 degrees! I've never been so happy to get a sunburn.

I'm really bored these days, as I'm jobless and loath to jump back into another 9-5 sentence. In the meantime, I'm scouring craigslist for something I can do at night. Anyone want to help?

If anyone out there is on Rupert Murdoch's networking toy, check out http://myspace.com/mnemne

raknid42 @ 2006-03-10T05:33:00

2006-03-10T11:07:37Z

Job-less, car-less, phone-less. Meh.

On the upside, I was free to see The Sisters of Mercy on Wednesday. It was a small crowd and a bunch of middle-aged thrasher types actually started moshing. The guitarists explained after the show that they were picked up for the tour more or less at random. A little girl gave me a pixy stix and some strangers brought me to Delaware and we talked until the sun came up.

Life is good. I need a job.

raknid42 @ 2005-11-28T20:44:00

2005-11-29T01:44:56Z

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results

Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	67%
Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	79%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	27%
Activity Level	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	77%
Excitement-Seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	77%
Enthusiasm	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	81%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	68%
Trust	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	32%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Altruism	\|\|\|	2%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	29%
Modesty	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Sympathy	\|\|\|	1%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|	20%
Confidence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	91%
Neatness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Achievement	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Self-Discipline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	49%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	65%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	59%
Volatility	\|\|\|	3%
Depression	\|\|\|	7%
Self-Consciousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	11%
Impulsiveness	\|\|\|	8%
Vulnerability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	81%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	71%
Artistic Interests	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	81%
Introspection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	72%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	92%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	95%
Liberalism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	94%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	84%

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Still resolving this one. I got a *1* for sympathy? A 2 for altruism?
On the other end of the scale, a 91 on confidence, a 92 on adventurousness, a 94 on liberalism, and a 95 on intellect. Hm.

raknid42 @ 2005-11-27T23:24:00

2005-11-28T04:24:44Z

This weekend will be locked in memory for awhile. I finally took the opportunity to head to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and track down the original stone relief sculpture that inspired the miniature reproduction I have in my apartment. I completely filled my camera's memory with pictures. Not noticeable on my reproduction are the pomegranates lining the figure's robe. Pomegranates! My favorite food, possibly. After that and other adventures, I had more fun in Astoria. (It's a secret, but I did something interesting.)

In other news, I finally ordered more ram. I'll have 1.5gb after I receive it. Hopefully this will allow me to run Civ IV properly.

Civ IV is interesting. The prerequisite technology for the Mount Rushmore wonder is Fascism. I boggled at this until I really thought about it. Video games are getting political. I like that. Maybe.

I wonder how I'd look as an anime character...

2005-11-23T23:53:47Z

Protector of the Light

Class: Archangel
Alliance: Light

You tend to be a very honorable person. At the same
time you are calm, level-headed, and capable of
holding it together in a crisis. Your role
would be that of Protector. As a Protector of
the Light you would take a defensive stance
against the forces of evil. You are the strong
presence that works to keep others safe.

Your Anglic Name: Gabriel

Which Warrior Angel are You and Whose Side are You On? (With Anime Pics)
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